Saturday, January 23, 2010

You don't know how much of an impact you made in my life when you first walked in and out.

You don't know how happy i was when you first whispered to my ears "I really like you a lot."

You don't know how my life changed when we had that long kiss in the middle of the hard court.

You don't know how i felt blessed when you wiped my tears and hugged me tightly before the operation.

You don't know how full of glee i was when i get to know you would want to webcam with me all night,ignoring other things.

You don't know how good it feels when you said that you've never done anything like this with other girls.

You don't know how i spent my days at home after that day,how i laughed and cried alone like a maniac.

You don't know that i actually had this psychological noise up in my head saying
"Really, he is the one who kept me strong. Now that he's gone,what am i to do? I have nothing. It's pointless."

If i knew that day would come,i would have not went back home during that double date. I would spend my night with you.
Slept together like how my fantasy has always been. What's the use of me being a party girl now when you were the one who strived me to be one.
You were the one who made me who i am today. You influenced me in a lot of ways. I saw your innocence,i wished i saw your stripes.
I would rather see it to believe it than others telling me. I wished you could have waited for me.
Waited for me to recover. We could be together. We should be together.

Now i'm wondering why the fuck am i talking about him again when i promised myself i won't?

I'm sad. So sad.
I bet you guys love to see me in pain right? Might as well share it.
Why am i dwelling and why can't i just accept that he's gone forever? Why is it so hard?
Why must i cry every night and day for him?
Why must i stalk him on FB when i deleted all the ways to contact him? Why?

Why am i even continuing another stance about him!? VHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Hahhaa,i remember him telling me to stop saying things in german. -_-
I remember him telling me he wants to migrate to Canada.
I remember him telling me about his school life and how his hair was such an issue in Secondary School.
I remember him telling me something and i would go " OH MY GOD,SAME!!!!!! "
We had a lot of similar interests.
Hahahaha. See,im laughing again. Why the fucking rugrats am i laughing when i was crying just a minute ago.
Hahahahahahahahhaha!!!!!!

I'm still not satisfied with my life right now because its incomplete without you and it will forever be like that. Will it?
Or maybe i will find some other guy. Without even comparing anyone,i know that my heart still says its "you." Not someone else.

P.S : I hate how friends rub it in by being the LEAST supportive and couldn't care less about how i feel. You think its easy to move on ah?
IMMA PERSON WHO CANT LIVE WITHOUT LOVE.
If you know me well,you should know this. So if they walk out,you think its easy for me?
You don't know and don't wanna know. So easiest thing to do,is to back off. P & TY.

Should i do what Nad told me to? Put the card outside his door?
BUT FOR WHAT PURPOSE!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
FUCK AH FUCK.

SO MUCH OF A PICTURE SPAM POST AYE. SORRY HUMANS,ITS MY BLOG,SO ILL SAY WHAT I WANT TO
AND IM SORRY IF IT DISAPPOINTS YOU THAT ITS NO LONGER INTERESTING.
IM LOVE SICK. WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? JUMP OFF THE BUILDING OR SOMETHING. YES,MAYBE.

TOMORROW WE PARTY K,Yazlynn. WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bye.